So after that conversation with Karen in the last video earned if you've also worked through the exercise
that we shared with you.
And also if you've been following along and you've heard my story of identity crisis I'm hoping you're
able to start being able to appreciate the thoughts create things.
Sometimes our own worst enemy can actually be ourselves.
We don't actually have anything tangible or anyone tangible holding us back and life is actually just
ourselves purposefully and tenderly not doing the things that we want to do because of thoughts and
feelings.
Now on a practical level all right.
This is complete insanity isn't it.
But this is how we all experience life.
All right so what do you think.
Honestly your main primary role as a life coach is going to be.
That's right.
Encouragement life coaches have got to be encouraged.
We don't need to have all the answers.
We just need to be good that ask an appropriate relevant questions remaining present with our clients
respond to what they say as long as we're not trying to fix them.
Be their hero be their guru.
We will be just fine.
A promise Yes.
Yes.
Grant it takes a little bit of practice but we all get there in the end.
Just want to share with yet another story if that's okay.
And you may be asking the question Cain why do you tell stories.
I hate stories.
Just give me some academic information.
Well the reason why I tell stories is because stories have kind of been the vehicle that one generation
has passed on his knowledge and insights understandings onto the next for generations have pretty much
millennia and stories are one of the most effective methods off putting across points.
Why.
Because I'm guessing when we tell stories or when we hear stories we're all able to relate to at least
one or more of the characters in a story.
So is through us relating to stories that we make more sense of our own in our world.
So as a life coach my friend get good at telling stories especially your own.
It's not that when we tell stories about ourselves we are coming from a place of defeated ness or anything
like this.
All right we would refer to this or the right term for telling of our own story is a self disclosure.
We've got to make sure that we are disclosing of ourselves in appropriate ways and not appropriate timings.
Say for example if a client is in the middle of telling us their story is absolutely crucial that we
don't jump pendency.
Oh yes I know how you feel because I had this similar experience then where you can have is a bit of
an interesting dynamic happening in a relationship where the coach becomes the client or the victim
or something like that it becomes a little bit started.
So we tell stories for the purpose of leading people into greater depths of insight to make better sense
of their own inner worlds.
So back when I was a boy I right on school holidays here in Scotland.
The weather was always a little bit unreliable.
Most years there was a Russian circus would come to town and I was born and raised in a city called
Dundee.
Here in Scotland and every year get take it to the circus and to be honest I was never particularly
impressed.
The only thing that I really ever liked watching was the animals and I didn't like the trapeze artists
or anything like that.
I think that was just because my sister did so it wasn't ever gonna be appropriate back then for me
to like the same things as my sister because I was a boy.
So I was always interested in the lions when the lions would come out.
You'd have a lion tamer as you'd sometimes have bears and sometimes she'd get elephants.
No I loved the elephants.
One of the largest mammals on the face of the planet and what I used to what I used to wonder was was
how it was.
That's one of the circus masters the circus masters could could tame elephants to to walk in or just
to set and catch peanuts and do all these all these sorts of tricks.
I thought how could you possibly train an elephant or an animal like this and to do and follow orders
art.
Ah well and it was actually a few years ago that I actually looked into this and what I discovered was
when a circus or a circus master is looking to adopt a new elephants into its arena or whatever it will
go to one of the African nations where elephants are born and generally there's there's these charity
groups that will save or taken young baby elephants whose parents have perhaps been killed by poachers
or something like that.
All right.
Know what a circus master would do is also make a large donation to the charity take the elephants and
then ship the elephant back to their home nation.
When an elephant is young like most young people or young animals the Philippines full of life and in
order for an elephant or a little human being to be trained we must teach yet about itself what it's
capable off What It's so keen to do what it's not okay to do what it must do what it mustn't do what
it can do and what it cannot do.
All right.
Some people would refer to levels of training such as this as manipulation.
Other people wouldn't.
Other people would deem it okay.
Anyway when the baby elephants is no back in their home nation of the circus the circus master or the
trainer will the touch are a bit of raw or a bit of chain around the neck of the elephant and then attach
that chain to peck or a peg and then drive that right down into the ground.
Now here's the thing.
When the baby elephant is young what it's going to do it's not gonna be aware of any limitations that
it has so it's going to try to tug and pull away and break free from their peg and the chain.
But when it's young it's physically not going to be strong enough to break free.
No.
The elephant trainer knows that the elephant isn't going to be ready to start being trained until it
stops resisting and fighting and trying to break free from the peg because what the circus or the elephant
trainer knows is that the second or the day and the elephant stops trying to break free is the day that
the elephant has learned that it's not strong enough to break free.
Now remember the identity crisis story that I shared earlier on it's kind of like we can have a few
experiences in life isn't it.
We can have one that makes no sense to us.
We can have to that similar.
There might be a bit of a thing going on there.
If we have three though we start that or find a train that in the same way if an elephant is trying
for days or weeks to break free from a peg but just to no avail is physically not able to eventually
is going to give up because it's learned that it's not strong enough to break free.
No.
Fast forward 15 or 20 years.
Little baby elephant has become big fully grown up elephant no guest walks into the arena and with a
chain around his neck.
Bill what do you think the elephant is gonna do once that chain gets attached to a pecker in the ground.
Well in reality the elephant could stand up and just frog march out of the tent out of the arena whenever
it wants to and it could most likely trample over a couple of spectators on the way if it chose to but
it doesn't.
Why.
Because a second that chain is around the elephants neck and as soon as the chain is attached to pick
it in the ground the elephant doesn't even try to move because it knows it learned a long long time
ago that it's not strong enough to break free from the peg.
What this story has hopefully helped you just to gain a deeper appreciation off is how it is that limiting
beliefs are born within us in life all beliefs are are just things that we've learned.
You know sometimes we can learn in accurate information.
Sometimes there is a whole load of truth out there and the big bad world that we haven't yet experienced.
Many people fall victim to this idea that the way that we see things is the way that things are and
what we think is true is true my friend.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
More often than not so if by now you're able to identify where our beliefs come from.
It's important that we know start looking know where beliefs actually start because beliefs have to
start somewhere.
We're not just born with beliefs because as baby same as baby elephants we're all born a clean slate.
So remember the identity crisis story.
I had one experience two experiences three experiences and then I started learning that I wasn't a face
I wasn't enough not skilled enough not strong enough not competent enough nor loveable all these kinds
of things I believed I was insignificant though none of these things were true.
But back then I believed that they where we all started with the thoughts that I was thinkin.
Think back to that last conversation I just had with Karen.
I asked her what was actually holding her back in life.
Well if there was a chain tied around the neck and this chain was attached to pick it in the ground
and current was saying well essentially a chain and a picture it is hold me back why would be a tangible
thing.
But all this actually held Karen back in our life from being the kind of person that she wants to be
for other people.
Are some thoughts and some feelings all right so they're not tangible things they're just thoughts and
feelings so you don't want to give you a bit of an example on how thoughts create things I want to take
you through an exercise all right to help you dependent grow your understanding and appreciation of
this is that all right.
So if I'm standing central to the board here.
Have you ever felt like this kind of like you've got a little devil on one shoulder a little angel on
the other.
Kind of only got voices in our heads not that we're insane or crazy or anything like this but if you
ever found this place of decisiveness and decision well I wouldn't I I should I shouldn't.
Can I.
Oh no I can't.
I ought to I ought not to.
Maybe I should maybe I shouldn't.
I don't know.
I'll just wait around and do nothing and say that I can't or that I'm not sure.
Or whatever.
All right.
All thoughts come from somewhere.
We're going to explore this in a bit more depth than a few videos time but for now all I'm gonna simply
invite you to do is close your eyes if that's okay.
Or you can keep your eyes open whatever it is easier for you.
What I'm going to invite you to do is go back to your past.
All right you might find a bit easier doing this with your eyes shut.
Think back to a point in the past.
A memory that you have that is just positive by nature something that you remember perhaps really memorable
event or it might be a birthday or a wedding day or a bathroom a child or something like this.
All right.
No just really close your eyes and focus in on this event.
Just think about how you are feeling.
Who was there who wasn't there.
What was going on.
How excited you may have been or the weather was like all these sorts of things.
And as you focus in on this one event just become aware of how it is that you are feeling just be aware
of how you are feeling.
And if you're focused on something happy and memorable exciting there's a pretty good chance right now
that you're feeling pretty good you're feeling pretty positive pretty uplifted so open your eyes back
up again and give yourself a shake down.
That was what 30 to 45 seconds.
All right.
If nothing really happened we're just there.
And take a little bit of time after the video to really put yourself in that place or I stop and really
focus in on a positive memorable event that happened at some point in the past maybe even recently in
the last 12 months because what happens is when we focus in on positive things on good things on uplifting
things we feel positive we feel good we feel uplifted.
That's what we're focusing on where their focus goes the energy flows and what we focus on.
We tend to feel thoughts produce feelings thoughts produce things that give you a an alternative experience.
All right.
I'm going to invite you know just to close your eyes once again and focus in on one of the hardest days
in your life.
This might be a rejection it might be a heart.
It might be that someone cheated on you.
Might be even thought I loved person died or left you or something like this.
Yeah.
Granted this might be a tough one.
This might not be something that you like to focus on.
I'm going to invite you and implore you to focus on it.
Nonetheless I'm just focused right and just remember how it was for you back then just remember how
you were feeling who was there who wasn't there I just become aware of how you were feeling in that
moment on that day.
Include your eyes or open your eyes sorry once again if I was a gambling man I would suggest that's
how you experienced that second reflecting back to the past was very different from how you experienced
the first time you reflected back the past.
When we focus on positive things events memories experiences we feel good we feel okay but when we focus
on negative hurtful events experiences memories in life we feel not so good.
All right.
No let's just come back into life coaching world just a little bit.
If you've just experienced that within yourself could you margin know what your future life coaching
clients are going to be feeling like when they come to you with their goals and hopes and dreams and
aspirations for the future which all people are going to have.
All right.
But the problem is inside of their mind their focus on all the hearts and all the wars and all the failures
and all the stuff they've had in the past.
So the story that they are telling themselves or the voice they're hearing inside of their mind is going
to be of this red nature or this or in Gallic nature.
All right come back to the two voices one voice tells us.
Give it a shot.
Just do your best.
What's the worst that can happen.
Just give it your all.
Go for it.
Do that a thing that you want to do in life.
Then we have this little voice here that says remember that time in the past that you failed to remember.
No one loves you.
You're not likeable.
You're not strong enough.
You're not smart enough you're not.
You're not the one voice fills you full of hope and excitement and passion.
Aspirations are kind of stuff and then one voice just reminds you of all their flaws and imperfections
and failures of your past.
This is where no self-awareness and self management start merging into one.
If we can appreciate just within ourselves no US coaches how it is that our emotional experience of
life is influenced by the caliber of our thoughts and ultimately what we're focusing on.
Then this is going to enable us to play a crucial role in helping other people to self manage and regulate
themselves.
And we do so and we do this by simply having conversations like that which are hard with Karen in the
last video.
Then I was quite a straightforward conversation that I had with Karen but some clients are going to
come with the greatest goals they're going to have 10 page business plans in place with action steps
and all that kind of stuff and fantastic but sometimes people's plans don't go any further beyond the
planning phase because unless plans turn into actions then plans are never gonna become outcomes or
tangible results.
So in order for people to feel like they're actually adding value to the world they've got to be doing
stuff got to be taken action have got to be actually make an impact and added some value.
Ah I wish people were never going to do if they're holding back because they're listening to the voice
in their head that's reminding them of all the times that they've failed or that they're not being given
up or something like that in the past.
All right.
This is where as coaches we've got to sometimes it's not about coaching people to actually take action.
We've actually got to be coaching people to direct their focus in a more helpful direction.
Sometimes we're going to be helping and coaching our clients through the process of just focusing more
on what they do once and upon what they don't.
And simply reminding them or inviting them to look and acknowledge who are listening to this kind of
voice has actually cost them in the past knowing that people want change in life or won't commit to
changing in life until the desire to change becomes greater than the desire to remain the same.
People's desire to change will become greater and more prominent within them once they identify where
they've gone wrong then change just simply happens pretty quickly.
All right.
So we've gotta understand a few things here.
I'm not gonna go too psychological on you but I do want you to gain a grounded understanding of the
human psyche understanding that we can have all of the greatest goals and all of the action steps laid
out in all life plans and purposes and all that kind of stuff which is great.
Very very exciting but we've got to know ourselves we've got a north with an enemy we've gotta understand
how it is that most people sabotage their own best intentions.
There's not actually any one or anything that can really hold us back and prevent us from doing the
things that we really want to be doing with our lives.
It's just us it's our thoughts which produce the feelings that prevent us from ever getting started.
There is no chain.
There is no peck on the ground.
There is no rope.
There are no rules apart from the ones that we place upon ourselves here with me and trust and exercise.
Listen.
How about snow.
You start practicing being a coach.
This is a very very simple exercise.
Hobos you go and have a conversation with a friend or a family member or a loved one and tell them say
to them Look I'm just working through this life coaching program online I'm looking for someone I can
practice a few exercises on to help them grow in self awareness.
Most people will be massively intrigued so all you do as you take them through the same exercise that
have just taken you through right now.
You just simply get them to a place where they're quiet and at peace within themselves and simply direct
their focus first time towards something.
That was a great positive uplifting event for them.
Then back to that.
And then again back into something more negative and if you do this then you might want to take them
back into something more positive again.
But it's just about helping them to see how it is that what they focus on influences how they feel on
a day to day basis.
This is actually one of the first steps we can take towards helping other people grow in self awareness.
Here with me is this okay.
Hope you found this helpful and make sure you put this exercise into practice is really easy but it
can make a massive massive impact in people's lives who've never looked in this direction before.
It's okay.
Fantastic.
I look forward to seeing you again in the next clip.